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What to Do When Someone You’re Working With Doesn’t Align With Your Core Values Welcome to the third video in my series all about core values in your business.
In the first video, we explored what core values are and why they’re important. In the second, I shared how to create your own core values. In this third part, I want to talk about what to do if you’re working with someone whose actions don’t align with your values. This can feel tricky, especially as small business owners. Often, we want to help everyone, share our knowledge widely, or accept work because it pays the bills. But it can become problematic when you’re collaborating with a person, organisation, or setting that doesn’t reflect the values that are central to your work. Here are some practical ways to manage this situation: 1. Make Your Expectations Clear One of the most important things you can do is communicate your expectations clearly from the start. When I work with a new setting—whether that’s a school, nursery, or adult workshop—I share a Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) sheet. This is about practical details such as “What should I wear?” or “What is this session about?” but, crucially, it also includes what I expect from participants and staff. This is really helpful because sometimes misunderstandings arise simply because the other adults don’t know what your boundaries are. Examples include:
Providing clear written guidance ensures everyone understands what’s expected and reduces misunderstandings. If you’d like, I have a document bundle full of letters, forms, and templates that you can adapt for your own sessions, complete with tips on how to use them effectively. 2. Understand What You Can and Can’t Control I love the concept of the Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Influence, introduced by Stephen Covey.
3. Decide What You Can Live With Sometimes, despite your best efforts to communicate clearly, some behaviours may continue. This is where it’s important to consider what you can tolerate. For example, in some schools I work with regularly, staff walking through the hall while I teach isn’t ideal—but it’s something I can live with and manage. In other cases, the misalignment may be more significant and cannot be ignored. 4. It’s Okay to Walk Away If a setting, individual, or organisation repeatedly fails to respect your values, it is entirely acceptable to stop working with them. Whether that’s a family attending your sessions who consistently ignore your boundaries, or a school, nursery or organisation whose practices conflict with your values, you have the right to choose where you invest your time and energy. You are the owner of your business, and you get to decide who you work with. Key Takeaways
Your business should reflect your values and the way you want to work with others. Respecting your own values ensures you can continue to provide safe, compassionate, and effective well-being sessions for the people you work with. I hope you found this useful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—please comment below or email me at [email protected] if you have any questions or want me to cover something specific in a future video.
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How to Discover and Create Your Core Values In my last video and blog, I shared why core values are so important for your well-being business and what they are. Today, I want to dive into how to create or distill your core values.
Core values are the guiding principles that shape your business, your decisions, and the way you show up for others. They’re the heart of what you stand for. And the good news? You proabably already have them — you just need to uncover them. Here are three practical ways to help you find your core values: 1. Explore Existing Lists A simple first step is to Google “business core values” or search online for inspiration. You’ll find plenty of lists of potential values. Jot down the words or phrases that resonate with you — those that feel true to who you are and what you believe. At this stage, don’t worry about narrowing it down. Gather as many as you feel drawn to. 2. Reflect and Free Write Next, take some time to journal or free write about what’s important to you. Consider questions like:
For example, maybe you’ve worked with a business that was dishonest, failed to deliver on promises, or communicated poorly. These experiences tell you something about what you value — and what you won’t compromise on. 3. Listen to Feedback The third step is to look at the feedback you’ve received from others.
Distilling Your Core Values Now comes the magic: take all of the information you’ve gathered — lists, journal notes, feedback — and spend some time with it.
Sometimes you’ll have overlapping ideas, too. For example, I once wanted both “honesty” and “integrity.” After reflection, I realised that integrity encompassed honesty, so I combined them. Bringing Your Core Values to Life Your goal is to identify words or short phrases that truly embody who you are and what your business stands for.
For me, one of my core values is Forever Learning. It wasn’t easy to fit into one word, so I kept it as a short phrase. The key is to choose words or phrases that feel true to you. I’d love to hear what your core values are! If you’ve already written them down, share them in the comments. Talking about values and seeing what resonates with others is a really powerful way to refine your own thinking. Why Core Values Matter in Your Well-Being Business In this post, I want to talk about something that might not often come up in conversation — but that I believe is absolutely essential to building a grounded, authentic well-being business: core values. This topic came up recently during my Children’s Well-Being Practitioner Training — The Well-Being Journey — when we explored the idea of values and how they shape everything we do. I realised it’s something many practitioners haven’t consciously considered, yet it’s such a powerful foundation for running a purposeful and aligned business. What Are Core Values? Your core values are the fundamental beliefs or guiding principles that shape how you operate — in your business and often in life too. They’re a way of saying, “This is what’s important to us. This is how we do things.” Large organisations often publish their values proudly on their websites, but I believe they’re just as important — perhaps even more so — for small well-being businesses and sole traders. When it’s just you making the decisions, setting the tone, and showing up for your clients or students, your values become your compass. They help you stay aligned, consistent, and authentic — especially when things get tricky. My Core Values At Well-Being Adventurers, and within my wider work as Julia Hankins Well-Being, I have five core values. These are the principles that guide everything I do, from lesson planning and resource design to communication and decision-making:
How Core Values Help with Decision-Making Having clear values makes decision-making so much easier. If I’m faced with a challenge, unsure about how to respond to a situation, or deciding whether to take on a new opportunity, I come back to my values and ask: Which choice aligns best with them? For example, if a situation arises where a child might not be able to participate fully in a class, my value of Inclusion guides me. I’ll do everything possible — in collaboration with other adults — to make sure that child can take part in some way. Sometimes it’s not possible, but that value reminds me to try, to look for creative solutions, and to make inclusion a conscious part of every decision. Likewise, my value of Forever learning keeps me open and adaptable. I’m always reading, studying, and reflecting — and I don’t hesitate to adjust my teaching or training content when new research emerges. For instance, I recently updated part of my Pathway to Calm training after further reading helped me understand a neuroscience concept more accurately. My value of learning and integrity made that decision simple: I needed to make the change. Values Shape Practice and Behaviour Values don’t just help with decisions — they also shape how things are done. Take Safety, for example. It influences every stage of my practice:
Values Support Growth and Collaboration If you ever plan to grow your business — perhaps by training others, hiring support, or building a team — your values become even more important. They help set clear expectations for behaviour, communication, and standards of practice. They also act as a filter — attracting the right people and gently repelling those who aren’t the right fit. When you’re recruiting or collaborating, you can talk openly about your values. People who resonate with them will feel drawn to your work, while those who don’t will likely self-select out — saving everyone time and energy. Values also help guide your decision-making during interviews or partnerships. If someone’s approach or attitude doesn’t align with your values — for example, if inclusion or compassion isn’t as central for them — you’ll know that collaboration probably isn’t the best fit. Values Build a Clear Identity Even if you’re a sole trader, having clear values helps define your business identity. It clarifies who you are, what you stand for, and how you want to be perceived. And if you work as part of a team, shared values help create a collective voice — a shared understanding of “how we do things here.” Values give your business heart and direction. They make it easier to communicate your purpose to others, and to stay true to yourself along the way. Reflecting on Your Own Core Values If you haven’t yet explored this for your well-being business, I really encourage you to take some time to reflect. Ask yourself:
In my next post (and video), I’ll be sharing how you can create and refine your own core values so they truly represent you and your business. If you’d like to chat more about this, or if you have any questions about your well-being practitioner journey, you’re very welcome to get in touch at [email protected] — I’d love to hear from you. Supporting Children Who Struggle with Turn-Taking and Waiting Today I’d like to talk about something that can be really tricky in our children’s well-being sessions — when children find it hard to take turns, wait patiently, or accept that someone else has the toy, object, or role they wanted.
These moments can challenge even the most experienced practitioners. When a child becomes upset, angry, or ‘makes a scene’, it can knock our confidence and leave us wondering how best to respond. Over the years — through my time as a teacher, and more recently as a children’s well-being practitioner — I’ve learned a few things that have really helped. I’d love to share them with you. 1. Understand What’s Really Going On It’s easy to view a child’s outburst as attention-seeking or “bad behaviour.” But what’s actually happening beneath the surface is often dysregulation — the child’s nervous system is overwhelmed. No one chooses to be that upset. They’re not giving you a hard time; they’re having a hard time. Some children who struggle particularly with demands, control, and turn-taking may fit a profile often referred to as Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). Personally, I prefer the term Persistent Desire for Autonomy — it feels more accurate and less judgmental. These children have a deep need for autonomy over their choices, their bodies, and their environment. When they perceive that autonomy being taken away, they can experience genuine distress. Understanding this shifts our perspective from “managing behaviour” to supporting regulation. It can really help to communicate with teachers, parents, or carers (where possible) to understand what triggers these moments and when they tend to occur. Patterns often emerge — and once we understand them, we can begin to plan ahead. 2. Build Trust Through Relationship Children are far more likely to trust your guidance when they trust you. When I first start teaching a group, I often have children who get very distressed if I say, “It’s not your turn right now.” They might not believe me when I promise that they’ll get a go later. But over time, as they learn that I do what I say, those moments of dysregulation reduce. Trust helps them feel safe and secure. I make a conscious effort to invest in relationships with these children — often through small, informal interactions. For example, in one school, as I’m setting up in the morning, children walk through the hall. Those who often struggle with regulation tend to drift over for a chat. Those few minutes of connection, outside of structured lesson time, make a huge difference. It builds familiarity, trust, and a sense of safety — for both of us. 3. Use the Language of Fairness Many children who struggle with turn-taking also have a strong sense of justice. They might not always express it in a way that you understand, but they care deeply about fairness. I’ve found that making fairness explicit really helps. For example, I’ll say, “Not everyone will get to choose from the bag today, but I’ll make sure everyone gets a turn across our sessions.” Then I’ll physically write a list of who’s had a turn, and show the children: “Here are the names of the children who chose today. Next time, I’ll ask others first.” This transparency helps them see that you’re being fair — and gives them a sense of predictability. I’ll often acknowledge the emotion too, which I believe is really important.: “I know it’s disappointing not to get a turn today, but I promise your turn will come.” 4. Create Strategies That Work for Everyone Managing expectations is key. Be clear about what’s going to happen and what’s not. That way, children aren’t caught off guard when things don’t go their way. Sometimes, though, we know that one or two children really struggle with waiting. In those cases, I’ll discreetly plan so they’re more likely to get what they need — without anyone else noticing or feeling it’s unfair. For example:
And if all else fails — and a child becomes upset mid-session — I never ask another child to give up their choice to appease someone else. Instead, I offer alternatives: “I can see you really wanted that zebra soft toy. Jack’s got it today, but would you like to choose one from my bag instead?” That gives the child more autonomy and choice, without disrupting others or feeding a cycle of guilt and reward. 5. Have Compassion — for Them and for Yourself Even with the best preparation, there will be days that don’t go to plan. A child might have a meltdown. You might handle it beautifully one week, and less so the next. That’s okay. Hold compassion for yourself. These situations are emotionally demanding. It’s normal to feel self-critical afterwards or to wish you’d done something differently. What matters is that you care enough to reflect — and to keep learning. And have compassion for the child too. They’re not trying to ruin your session; they’re trying to feel safe and in control in a world that often feels unpredictable. If this resonates with you, you might enjoy my training “Tame the Crowd Without Being Loud,” which explores the psychology and neuroscience behind children’s behaviour, with practical tools for creating calm and a feeling of control in your classes. |
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November 2025
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