Building strong relationships in kids yoga classes

Relationships are the most important thing to me in my classes. I believe that the main reason that my classes are so successful is because I value relationships and they are at the heart of everything that I do.

I LOVE this quote by Psychiatrist Bruce D Perry, whose clinical research and practice focuses on examining the long-term effects of trauma in children.

“The more healthy relationships a child has, the more likely he will be to recover from trauma and thrive. Relationships are the agents of change and the most powerful therapy is human love.”

Even if you only spend a small amount of time with the children that you teach, it is still possible to build a healthy strong relationship in which children feel secure and can thrive.

Research consistently shows that children who develop secure attachments early in life tend to have higher self-esteem, better emotional regulation skills, and healthier relationships later in life.

I’m going to be drawing on the work of clinical professor of psychiatry  Dr Daniel Siegel 4 S’s of secure attachment. This work really heavily influences how I am as a parent and as a teacher.

Dan Siegel outlines four key elements needed for secure attachment which are: Safe, Seen, Soothed and Secure. I’m going to talk about how we can achieve each one in our classes.

Safe

• Remind them of your name!
  
• Let children know what to expect from you and from the class.
  
• Being clear about your boundaries and sticking to them- if children see you maintaining a rule/ boundary they know they can trust you to mean what you say.
• Obviously, ensure that the practice is safe too: the activities that you use, the environment, that your lessons are safe and appropriate to the age group.
• Emotional safety- sometimes kids will get dysregulated within your class. How you respond to this will heavily impact how safe they feel. Responding in a calm and  non judgemental way is really important here.
• Explain what’s coming next, warn of any changes in the environment, for example, “I’m going to turn off the light now.” 
  

Seen 
Here we are talking all about making each child feel important and valued for who they are. This is easier in community classes or extra curricular activities, where numbers are likely to be smaller and you will often have more time to interact with each child and hear what they have to say on an individual level.
This can be tricky to achieve when you are teaching large groups, but here are some ways that you might try:

• Using names! Learn them if possible, if not use name cards and use every opportunity to use someone's name in a positive way.
• Gather opinions in small groups this is possible individually but in larger groups by voting- for example with their bodies, by ‘showing you’, for example, their favourite pose/ colour/ food etc. Playing games like ‘love it or lose it’ or getting children to vote by placing props on cards.
• Ensure every child gets a turn- keep lists if you need too.
• Walk around giving eye contact (where comfortable), praise, commentary, smiles etc. Give one on one time where you can.
• Little chats when you see children around the school or moments between lessons.

Soothed
This is all about helping children to regulate their emotions and teaching coping mechanisms. It also involves supporting children if they are upset or distressed, by offering comfort or reassurance.
This can be a tricky one, as when we are delivering a lesson, our main focus needs to be teaching the children. We can’t stop the class every time someone is upset because it will very quickly descend into chaos!
Also, with having a small amount of time with the children - we might not be the best person to ‘soothe’ if there is an issue at play.
The way that I view this is acknowledging and validating feelings of children. If someone is upset because they didn’t get the soft toy that they wanted- commenting on how hard it is when we feel disappointed. 
We can offer support and comfort by asking the child if they would like to sit next to us, by having a quick chat with them when the other children are involved in an activity, by checking in with them.
Ultimately though, it may be best to pass the information on to another adult who the child has a closer relationship with, such as a teacher, teaching assistant or parent.

Secure
Children feel secure when they know what to expect both from you and from the lesson itself. This means:

• Be calm and consistent in your approach-  no explosive shouting! Be predictable!
• Have routines: start your class in the same way, end in the same way, have systems that you follow so kids can feel settled and well orientated in the class.
• Have a clear structure to your classes so that children know what is coming next.

This was just a really quick overview of how we can foster healthy relationships in our kids yoga classes, I hope that you found it useful.
If you struggle with any elements discussed here, you may be interested in further training, or mentoring. Don't hesitate to email me at [email protected]